kkscatnip

I have never felt so much that "life is the thing that happens while you're making plans" applies to me as it does over the last year or so, oh my god.

April:
Oh, I'm going to move to California. AM I? I was convinced I would at the beginning of the month, and convinced I wouldn't by the end of the month.

May:
By the second week in May, I knew I would be for sure, in spite of everything. I took a week-long trip to my Dad's at this point, just making sure it was a place I could stand to be for more than a week but less than a month. It was!

Early in the fourth week in May, I moved out my my apartment in Atlanta, into the house I grew up in with my mom. At the time she was on FMLA leave from her work because her various chronic pain things (psoriatic arthritis, fibromyalgia, and trigeminal neuralgia) were getting too bad for her to work. While I was there, I did as much as I could for her. (She's now on SSDI!)

June:
Went to Outer Banks/family vacation. I finally got to hang out with my sister-in-law's sister, Abby, who is an awesome hippie girl. Who is now accepted into mom's side of the family and was invited on her own to OBX this year. Right now I'm facilitating her introduction to the kink world, muahaha. She asked, so I provided.

I also returned my dog, Puffin, to the adoption agency I'd gotten her from. I loved--and still love--her, but realistically, it wouldn't have been good to take her with me when I had no idea where I'd end up in six months, and knew finding a place with a dog would be 600% harder. In hindsight, I am super glad that I did this and that I also left my special needs cat, Marie, with my mom. (She's subsequently adopted Marie, so I'm glad I could give her another special animal.)

July:
Moved to Oregon to live with my dad until August 1. I got to work in his legal pot garden! It was actually a lot of fun but also hard work. Living conditions not so pleasant (a shed + air mattress, though given that dad lives in a single wide trailer, I felt like I got the long end of the stick) but for one month? I handled it just fine, in spite of it being 100+ the entire time I was there and Dad nearly killing me on the level five rapids.

Met theheartsays due to my new obsession with Bat Family everything.

August:
Lived in Oakland! Stayed with a friend of a friend. I found Oakland and SF and San Jose and basically everywhere to be awesome and fell in love with all of it rapidly. Met an amazing furryperson and puppy named Mar. Signed a lease to begin on September 22nd, and I didn't have the cash to stay where I was any more, so...

September:
Back to Dad's! I helped some with trimming. Not tons, because I didn't like working with the dead plants as much as I liked working with the living ones. On September 18th, the landlord called and told me he needed to cancel my lease--but he didn't have the money to give me back right then, even if I'd been in town. So is it okay if he gives me half my money by October 1, and the other half by November 1? Not in any position to argue the law with this assface, I say yes.

This is also when I began to go way downhill mental health wise, both because of the time of year and things going wrong, but also due to lack of therapy and just being at Dad's. It's not the right environment for me!

October:
Without Assface returning the $3k I'd paid him for first/last/deposit, I felt like I was stuck in Oregon. I didn't have any money to live on if I returned to the Bay area, so seeing no other option, I stayed at Dad's. I was absolutely miserable--it was an easy formula to figure out: feeling of not having any options + daily verbal abuse + no therapy + rural area means no way to physically get away from the abuse and into a place with people who won't hurt me = Bad Times.

Near the middle of the month and while I was still at Dad's, I started having serious conversations with saystheheart, wherein she offered me a place to stay with her and her mom. Their place was being foreclosed on, but the auction wasn't until February 11th, so I'd have time to recoup money and get therapy and be somewhere safe. I didn't want to live in Denver, though, even if it meant living with someone as awesome as her.

At my mom's urging, in the middle/end of the month, I took the train back to SF and lived in a hostel for almost two weeks. I succeed exactly not at all when it came to finding a place to live, and doing anything constructive besides. I know part of it was the housing market, but I also needed time to recover and house-searching just wasn't condusive to recovering. This wasn't a conscious decision on my part, but rather that my brain wasn't working. Period.

By the end of the month, I felt like the world was crushing down on me. I couldn't afford to stay at the hostel for another week; I didn't feel comfortable asking the married couple who'd helped me move if I could stay with them; I was trapped, again, just like I had been at Dad's.

saystheheart repeated the offer she'd made while I was in Oregon, and I decided fuck it. Fuck it. I was going to Denver. I might stay when they got foreclosed on, I might not, but at the very least I'd have somewhere to stay until February. The other factor was that plane/train tickets to everywhere else that I'd have a free bed for X amount of time were a lot more expensive--I'd be in dire straits if I bought them. So I bought the $110, train ticket for November 1st. A two-day train ride really wasn't my idea of fun, but needs must etc.

I spent my last night in town with Mar; it was absolutely magical.

(October 2013 was a huge month for me.)

November:
I spent two days on a train! It wasn't as bad as I'd thought it be, probably because at that point I probably had at least a week of time on a train, given all the train-riding I did back and forth to my dad's. I figured out a good way to sleep, and I got to see some really amazing scenery on the California Zephyr between Oakland and Denver. I got some absolutely gorgeous photos. Beautiful. I love them. (My instagram, btw. I update it selectively--mostly when I remember.)

Arrived in Denver! Met saystheheart otherwise known as AJ. As soon as I saw her sitting there looking all nervous, a thought popped up: This is the woman I'm going to get old with.

And then I thought, fuck. But I went for it none the less.

Things have been kind of a roller coaster since then: What do you mean the auction is in mid-December, not February? Oh god, our landlord really actually is a drunk asshole! and so on and so forth. But we've gotten through it together, and it feels like it's been years, not months, since we've been together in person.

We're engaged--the big day is October 31st, 2015, but we're going to elope and send pictures. We have two beautiful, amazing cats. We're going to make it and be okay and stuff.

And now I can write LJ entries about life since then. :D

Title: Orange Dragon Within Reach
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 576
Pairing: Original, m/f
Content Notes: Size difference kink. Dragons. Shape shifters. Languid sex.
A/N: Porn and an excuse to write some mindless (though not completely plotless) size kink. Written for writerverse's Challenge #04 - An adjective, a noun and a prepositional phrase walk into a bar...

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Title: Whining is expected
Word Count: 355
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Star keeps a journal; things happen. After all, it's the end of the world, so why wouldn't they?

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01.	Word: Want	02.	Word: Minus	03.	Word: Fallen	04.	Word: Stay	05.	Word: Landscape
06.	Place: Beach	07.	Song: Human by Ellie Goulding	08.	WILDCARD	09.	Quote: "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else." - Margaret Mead	10.	Picture: Zebras
11.	Word Count: 389	12.	Person: 1st	13.	Tense: Past	14.	Format: Letter	15.	Genre: Survivalism

Squee, excited!

I realized today that the last entry I posted was a month ago, and I've only posted one entry for 2013. Oops.

Part of it, I think, is that I started journaling for mental health stuff, and by the time I've vomited all of those words onto the page I don't have the mental energy to rehash it on LJ.

I've realized that I'm not quite comfortable anymore talking about all of my problems and innermost thoughts on LJ, either, even in locked entries. I've seen in the past how easy it is to get into someone's f-locked stuff, so I just... ehh, it makes me uncomfortable. I am sure in the future I will get to a point where I am less of a ball of paranoid anxiety, but for now this is what's going on.

My pdoc refuses to put me on an anti-anxiety drug, citing the fact that half of my present cocktail is supposed to help with anxiety. They're not anymore, are they, if I'm afraid of posting even this much somewhere that people can read it? Blargararagargagbesdasdkldrepojgfpa (But she gets so, so angry when I suggest that maybe marijuana might be a good substitute. Most def. something I am going to pursue once I move.)

Anyway. So there's a few things going on right now that are both related and unrelated to mental health:

- CON SEASON. Furry Weekend Atlanta and Atlanta Poly Weekend are the same weekend this year, argh. Upon looking at the panels, FWA has more that I'm actually interested in hearing about and feel like I could learn from. It's saddening because I've gone to every APW, even the very first one, and been absolutely overjoyed to watch them grow the way they have. It's a beautiful thing, but I am getting more and more into my furry identity and there's just so many things I don't know about that I want to learn, so I feel like that's the more valuable time expenditure. It still makes me sad to have to choose, though :(

- MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO. Yes. It's going to happen. A couple of my friends are moving, so I'm moving with them, because it's a great opportunity and I am unsatisfied by Atlanta. I really miss Boston a lot, all the time, so hopefully moving to SF will lessen that because it is also a fucking awesome city. And there's the bit where I could get an actual scrip for pot, which is exciting.

- THE FLU. I have been so sick the last few days, omg. I caught the plague that knocked my roommate out of commission for a week and a half, but not directly from her--no, I caught it from her boyfriend. What bullshit is this D:

- SIM CITY. New Sim City game comes out in two days. Two days! Aaaaah, I am so wonderfully excited for this. I still play SC4 on a weekly, if not daily, basis so this is something that is going to be very, very fun for me :D

My mom's cat, Smitty, died this morning. ( Why? )

Smitty's full name was Itty Bitty Shitty Smitty Kitty, and we got him when my brother, Gene, was elevenish eightish. (Mom has corrected me on ages.) He was walking down our neighborhood street (semi-rural) and some older boys asked him to hold a black-and-white adolescent kitten and then ran off as soon as the cat was in Gene's arms. Gene brought him home, and we, having ~7ish cats (all of which were indoor/outdoor cats with our five acres of land) didn't mind adding one more to the family.

(Or at least that is the way I remember it, but then again, I was 11ish at the time...)

The cat responded to "kitty" so we decided to name it something that rhymed with that, so as to not trouble him too much with learning a name. Thus, Smitty, who was already proving himself to be a master of mischief, and earned his full name at the same time he was named Smitty.

He got along well with one of the other cats, Junior, and the two of them were constantly playing around/tom catting. Smitty was always, always very concerned with protecting the perimeter of our property from other cats; he came home with scratches fairly often throughout his life, but they were always in the front.

It was a long, long time before Smitty came home with wounds on his backside; I think the first time was either early this year or late last year. So, when he was around 15 years old. He stopped tom catting as much, when he started to come home with wounds in the back more often, and in spring went deaf slowly and over summer his mind faded in and out of dementia.

He often had bouts where he'd walk around wailing for a while and then be fine at the end of it, or even in the middle if you came up on him. I don't think he was in pain, it was just that he wasn't quite right in the head anymore. He was happy, though, if still violent: he killed birds, chipmunks, squirrels, and whatnot nearly every day. Still a hunter, even though he wasn't a protector anymore.

So, goodbye, Smitty. I know mom buried you within sight of the bird feeders, and I think you had a really good run. I'll miss you, but now you're in a place where you can hear and are fully functioning mentally. I hope Junior's there with you.

Gonna go cry a bit more, now. Rest well, Smitty.

So, I'm doing the "write about 100 things in your blog" challenge, only I don't know that I can force myself to write about, uh, myself just yet so I'm doing a "write 100 short, smutty stories" thing instead.

I'm hoping this will get me more into the habit of writing short stories that are actually short! I've had trouble with that lately, so this is my answer to that trouble. :D

This is so going to make my writing tag even more disproportionate to the rest of my journal, ahaha.

So, now comes the mid-year look at my 2012 goals. Yay?

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Failing utterly at posting any journal entries. Here's a meme instead:

( that 'ask your pairing mundane questions' meme )

I wonder what it says that three of my four kind-of contemporary pieces are OT3s and not pairings, heh heh heh.

In other news, my smut_fest fics are up for this round:

On The Turning Away - LJ; DW
Pairing: m/m
Warnings: Underage (14-15), grooming, rape/non-con sex, dub-con situation in general, non-POV character death, extremely abusive relationship, happi endo
Word Count: ~15,000
Summary: In a world where demons torture humans for fun, religions are based on how they deal with the threat of demons. Ziyans offer up their priests--people often purchased as children from impoverished families--for the greater good. But is it really worth it? Can any good come from consorting with demons?

Chip Off the Old Block - LJ; DW
Pairing: f/m, mention of f/f
Warnings: Older woman/teenage boy
Word Count: ~6,900
Summary: Ardal's bound and determined to have General Moyra Hattikar train his fire talent. She refuses to teach him to kill people with his talent, but he is too stubborn to take no for an answer.