Holy-- Oh, I guess I'll give you the expanded version, then!
I really think where you went wrong is by trying to have too much tension at the start. It's like playing the trump card with your opening hand-- such a waste. If the tension is allowed to build over time (I'm thinking on the lines of show not tell, here, because you told us about the tension but it was less believable than if you'd shown us) the height of the tension-- the scene you start with-- would have had more of an impact.
Also I think that when the reader knows that both of them are wanting it, it loses some of the conflict of does-he-or-doesn't-he that the character is feeling. It almost felt invalidating of the opposite POV's emotions to have them so devoutly ignoring the signals and signs and being so wrapped up in their own fear. It was just too much, you know?
Perhaps if they hadn't both had the such similar trains of thoughts/emotions, it might have worked. As it was I wanted badly to smack both of them upside the head *g*
I think you are a good writer-- which is not something I come across terribly often, sadly-- and admirable as hell for taking on the task of writing from the POV of someone who is blind, but your book would have benefited from having a more narrow focus on what story you wanted to tell rather than trying to tell every little thing that happens. Part of the joy of writing, to me, is picking and choosing the moments that are the most important, and shining the spotlight on those. :D
Re: Blind Passion
I really think where you went wrong is by trying to have too much tension at the start. It's like playing the trump card with your opening hand-- such a waste. If the tension is allowed to build over time (I'm thinking on the lines of show not tell, here, because you told us about the tension but it was less believable than if you'd shown us) the height of the tension-- the scene you start with-- would have had more of an impact.
Also I think that when the reader knows that both of them are wanting it, it loses some of the conflict of does-he-or-doesn't-he that the character is feeling. It almost felt invalidating of the opposite POV's emotions to have them so devoutly ignoring the signals and signs and being so wrapped up in their own fear. It was just too much, you know?
Perhaps if they hadn't both had the such similar trains of thoughts/emotions, it might have worked. As it was I wanted badly to smack both of them upside the head *g*
I think you are a good writer-- which is not something I come across terribly often, sadly-- and admirable as hell for taking on the task of writing from the POV of someone who is blind, but your book would have benefited from having a more narrow focus on what story you wanted to tell rather than trying to tell every little thing that happens. Part of the joy of writing, to me, is picking and choosing the moments that are the most important, and shining the spotlight on those. :D